autumn twilight
… where the water meets the sea, between the worlds, within the void …autumn twilight
… where the water meets the sea, between the worlds, within the void …Starwood Part 1
There is so much, I’m not sure I’ll ever find the words for it, but if I don’t start now I’ll never manage it. Starwood was the most interesting festival I’ve ever been to. There, that’s a true statement.
It’s hard to understand my reaction to the festival without knowing how it ended, so I’ll start at the end. Almost the end.
… read the rest
Small Parts of The Self
I have a great deal to say about my time at Starwood. I promise, but I’m still processing much of that. And since it has been some time since I’ve posted anything, and since I have words today, here is what I have.
I feel small. Terribly terribly small. Like I’ve taken on burdens far beyond what I can reasonably sustain. I feel as though the city is crushing me. Like I haven’t had time for myself, for my own healing, my owh thoughts, my own processes. I feel little and crowded. The introvert in me is positively screaming and begging to escape.
… read the rest
Wrenches, Patience, and Vocation
I’m feeling well this morning. A bit frustrated at how late I slept, but I feel good. Much better than I have in the last two weeks. A lot of that feeling has to do with money. I’ve been doing astonishingly well with my money the last two or three months. I’ve got all my bills planned out for the summer, including estimates for larger things like airfare for a potential trip, gas and supply cost for StarWood. I’ve been saving a percentage of my income every month without fail. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m able to contribute a flat percentage of my income to the Brotherhood every pay period, and I’m planning on expanding that to include contributions to other worthwhile organizations. Soon I’ll be able to make some payments to companies that I’ve owed money to for years. If I’m able to wipe out those remaining debts in the next 12 months or so I’ll be out of a hole I dug for myself over a decade ago.
… read the rest
I control that which I control, but not that which I don’t
(Note: The below commentary applies to all sorts of ceremonial magic but is primarily targeted towards those brave individuals performing Goetic operations. Do not attempt to apply or evoke these understandings unless you have a command of the technical performance of ceremonial magic, particularly in the context of the Goetic operations.)
In principle, the magician is the master of the universe. He or she directs the powers of creation and destruction and all forces answer to him. This is in direct conflict with the realization that the magician can not, may not, exert control or command over the Archangels or other beings who directly serve God. This ends up confusing a great many people, particularly since the work of the ceremonial magician is so often to assume the mantle of God, to assume his authority.
… read the rest
A Message about Denial
Last week I noticed an odd number of hits on a post I made about a year ago. 2009 06 30: Channeled messages The post is a group of channeled messages, some of them general some of them pretty specific and targeted towards me. One of these messages I had completely forgotten about, but is eerily relevant to my processes lately.
School yourself to patience as you have before. And school yourself to denial. The path of the ascetic has lessons which you have not learned. Avoid not desire, but recognize the pursuit of desire differs from the pursuit of the wrong. Desire is good, a strong pull and a stronger knowledge. But choose to pursue the desire that drives you, not the desire that is driven.
We will hold you in our hearts as you hold us. Know that no force can withstand your pursuit of desire if you understand the power of denial.