This is not really about claiming a word, although that is perhaps a positive side effect. It’s about posessing myself and not being shamed. A lot of the lgbt community is incredibly insulted by the word faggot. In some ways, I understand why. This word has been used as a weapon against us for a long while. It has a host of negative connotations.

In a bigger way though, I don’t get why people make a fuss about it. If someone calls me a faggot, they’re saying I sleep with men, which I do. I’m not ashamed of that and I have no feeling of insult.

One might argue that a person who calls me a fag is also calling me weak, effemenite, swishy, or a host of other things. If a person calls me a fag they’re trying to invoke all the negative or insulting attributes of stereotypical gay men. I own my advantages and disadvantages, my failings and successes, and I choose which ones are positive traits and negative traits.

Words have power, whether or not we give it to them. The word faggot is chock full of power. But it’s my power. It’s a word that intersects with my sub-culture and gathers a tremendous amount of force, and that force does not belong to the people who use it as a weapon. It belongs to us as queer men and women. It cuts us because we invest it with the force to do so. I refuse to damage myself like that.

Often, when I refer to myself as a faggot people around me are surprised. Sometimes they are put off. Sometimes they are insulted for me. Sometimes they themselves are insulted. Every time it is an opportunity to teach people that I am not afraid or ashamed of the descriptions people give me. They are either true or not. If they are true, and I am ashamed, that means I have an issue I need to work on. If they are false, I have no reason to be hurt or ashamed by them.

This is part of a larger pattern of thought that I’ve been moving through lately. It’s a response to what I perceive to be a huge problem. I’ve had a few arguments with people lately about placing the blame on the wrong thing. The word faggot is not a problem. The problem is people who hate us.

We seem to make a habit of addressing our concerns by attacking the explicit instead of the implicit. They are certainly connected, but problems are usually rooted in the implicit. They’re rooted in an understanding, a philosophy, belief, or pattern. Changing explicit behavior does not always alter the implicit reality.

Correllation does not imply causation. Telling people not to use the word faggot does not stop people from discriminating against me or hating me. In truth, I suspect it makes them more likely to do so, and to do so in secret. On the other hand, recognizing that I am a faggot, makes a powerful statement that trying to supress the word does not.

It says that I own myself and my expression. It says that you can not shame me. It says that you do not have the authority to place moral judgment upon me. It says that I am not afraid.