I had dinner with HerbisOrbis last night. I would hate to speak for her, but I think we both needed it. I’ve been missing her a great deal the last 3 weeks or so. There’s some part of myself that I feel like I only get to really share with her. I haven’t put a lot of thought into exactly what that is, and when I do I’m not sure I’ll share. (There are some things that are too personal even for me!)

Getting to talk and share and commisserate over tasty pasta, greek salad, and wine was just what I needed, and last night I slept pretty soundly for the first time in a while. The night before last wasn’t bad either, but last night seemed pretty solid. I’ve got a lot on my plate right now, and I’m not sure how it all got there. I’m writing a large workshop with one of my IO brothers, a chapter of a book for the membership, an experiential event for the membership in late february, a small workshop for this weekend, and outlining a proposal for a portion of the retreat in March. That’s only the stuff that is immediately coming to mind. I’m leaving things out. A lot of writing at the moment, which is good, because one of my goals for the year is to write more regularly (not blog posts, sorry).

On top of that I’ve got all my personal work that I want to do, including some training with Amatheon, a more comprehensive study of TCM (long term, not immediate), and the fact that I’m trying to learn how to be a better friend to the people in my life. Oh, and I want to lose weight too.

I might as well plan on buying a pony while I’m at it, right?

But I’m not really discouraged. Having a full plate keeps me focused. George often comments that I’m too hard on myself about getting things done, about making good use of my time. I don’t think so. I’m actually very gentle with myself. I take the time I need. If I need to let something fall I do. I don’t typically hurt or overwork myself.

I do sometimes have a tendency to get overwrought about things that are stressing me, in particular conflict type stuff. Sometimes I don’t sleep so well, but only occasionally is that because I’ve got too much on my plate. I am also stern with myself, because if I’m not, many things would never get done. Things that I want done. I don’t flog myself over letting things slide, but eventually I do have to get up off my ass and get it done, and it helps to say to myself, “theo, stop fucking off and focus. Just do this one thing right now.” It’s more effective than you’d think.

I need to clean my room tonight though. It’s not dirty, just a little laundry needs to be straightened. I’ve managed to keep it quite neat for 10 days now. This is possibly a record. If George and I can keep the whole house relatively clean for a while we might even manage to make a habit of it.

Ah, almost home, time to get things done now.