It was a wedding, so of course there was a great deal of discussion revolving around relationships. As a result, I got more then a few of the “is there anyone special in your life” queries throughout the night. I don’t mind the first question. I appreciate the interest. It’s polite and meaningful. But all too often it is followed with “why not?”

This bothers the hell out of me in all it’s forms. “Why not?” What are you even asking there? Are you asking me to categorize my personal failings to explain why I don’t have a boyfriend? And why is it so important that I have a boyfriend? Don’t get me wrong, I’d love a carnal relationship. But what is going on with the pressure to couple up?

I’m not talking to you Alex or Samantha. Neither of you is pushy or expectant. For that matter, I’m not talking to anyone who just wants me to be happy. I am talking to all you bitches who think that I must be deficient because I’m not desperately seeking to become part of a couple. If I can’t be complete with myself, I will not be complete in a couple or a relationship. I don’t need your advice or encouragement. I’m not looking for a relationship. I don’t want a boyfriend. I don’t need to date anyone.

I would probably enjoy all of these things, but what people don’t seem to understand is having someone special does not equate to happiness. Having someone special will not make me happy. And not having someone special does not preclude the opportunity for happiness.

Get it through your heads people. The goal is to be happy. The goal is to be fulfilled. The goal is to do the Work. None of these goals are contingent on romance or coupling.

Forgive me the rant. Since I’m on the topic, here’s a bit about what I do want.

I will settle for nothing less than absolutely maddening love. I do not need someone who needs to be supported, nor do I need someone who wants to support me. I want and need a partner(s). I need someone who is my equal. Who knows what I need and how to give it to me. Who can meet me on equal footing and give as good as he gets. I may spend my life alone, and eventually I may get so lonely and heartsick that I become desperate and lower my expectations. But that day is not today, and it will not be anytime soon.

The man I love is strong willed and fiercely committed to his Work. He is not afraid of me and will not back down. He can argue and fight with me and will keep fighting until there is a winner. He will disagree with me but support my right to be wrong. He will let me fight my own battles, but he will never let me fall; and he will expect the same from me. Above all this, we will have the type of volatile, violent love that people suspect could never last, but does. And even if it doesn’t last, it will be a fun ride while it does.

And so from now on, when people ask me why I don’t have a boyfriend, I’m simply going to say “Because Mr. Right hasn’t come along yet.” and if ya’ll can’t handle that, too bad.