This has been an exciting and thought filled weekend. I have so many things that are on my mind that need to start coming out in at least semi-congruent thoughts. I’m going to try and be coherent, but I may lapse into a state of babbling. Seriously. This is not common for me, but I feel rather effusive tonight. Also, as though I am trying to impress the world with my vocabulary.

Deep breath.

First, Yesterday I had the distinct honor of officiating the marriage of my younger brother Alex, and my new sister Samantha. I don’t believe I have ever before had an evening filled with such joy and excitement. I lost track of how many times I teared up, and I couldn’t even begin to guess how many genuine smiles and laughs and heartfelt embraces occured.

On Friday morning I got up and immediately set about finishing the service. Most of it was written but I needed to put the elements in the correct order, and write the transitory and connecting pieces. Once I was satisfied I rehearsed it once, and made a few changes to improve the flow, mood, and timbre of the service. Then I showered, and packed up my bed, suit, and accoutrements for the weekend. Alex and Samantha picked me up and thus began a whirlwind day of planning and organizing.

We arranged everything at the hall, had a great rehearsal dinner, and then stayed up late into the night writing placecards and wrapping gift bags. Around 3, after Alex drove Samantha to her mothers for the night, he and I went to sleep. He got up at 9 to run out and get a few things he’d forgotten in the city, pick up the cupcakes and cake, and do a few other errands. I got up a little later and started to finish the rest of the preparations.

At 2:30 we arrived at the venue and began setting everything up, with the help of the groomsman and several of our nieces and nephews. After dealing with a few small crises and concerns with the music we piddled around as people arrived and began to mingle. At 4:10, Alex and I finally ran into the bathroom so we could change clothes.

The service, which was set to start at 4:30, only started a little bit late, around 4:45 I believe, largely due to a missing groomsman who was running a vitally important errand.

Up until this point, I had been a little nervous, but Alex and I were both too busy to really indulge in hysterics or craziness. I had a brief flash of panic as we stood idle, waiting for my parents and the last groomsman to arrive, but then everything fell into place. Everyone was seated and Alex and I checked to make sure everyone was in place. We took a deep breath, and he and I entered the aisle and walked up to the front to begin the service.

What followed is something that I don’t have words for. Not just the service, but the entire night became charmed. I felt, not for the first time, but certainly more powerfully than ever before, the purpose that I was put here for. To provide joy. To nurture love. To facilitate celbration. To bring people together. To support those who stumble. To serve the light however it is needed. As Samantha and Alex stood before me, both of them glowing with love, I smiled, almost crying in the face of that light.

And then I did what I do best. I gathered their love into my voice, and I magnified it. I multiplied it. I wove it into the words I had written and with it captured the ears and hearts of all those assembled. Or at least that is what it felt like. Never before have I been more aware of myself or the divine moving in me.

When the vows were said, I began to cry. The rings exchanged, and the time came for the handfasting. The sun hit the windows behind us. I was later told that the light surrounded us, embracing us as I bound husband and wife. I do not know if that is accurate, but I know that no amount of nerves or anxiety could have caused me to falter as I tied that cord.

The part of me that is filled with terror at being a leader could not stand in the light that filled us. For one brief moment, I was confident and sure, and there was no power in the universe that could sway me from my work. We were all caught in my spell, and things would never be the same.

When they kissed it stole my breath, and more tears flowed. I felt a moment of terror, of pain and shock as they turned down the aisle. For a moment I felt used by the divine love, used and set aside when my task was done. But one look at Alex and Samantha, at the glowing faces of the assembly, and the joy ringing through the hall lifted that feeling from me. I returned to myself, filling the space that had been made for the power that solemnized their union, and I found that place clean and sacred. I found that in solemnizing their union, I had been made holy. I felt filled with grace.