I’ve been meaning to blog for days now, but it just doesn’t seem to be happening. I haven’t really had anything strong to focus on. The topics that have been on my mind either don’t coalesce into something writable or seem a bit done to death.

I’ve noticed that there are a lot of themes that come up in my writing. Time and again. Compassion and Suffering and their relationship to each other. Discernment and Judgment. I wrote the other day, and I thought I’d share here, “Judgment is weaponized discernment, meant to be used carefully and with precision.” Magic and life. Gifts. And of course, my own angst and challenges, which tie all of the above together with all the other randomness.

I don’t really have anywhere that I’m going with that, I just think it’s interesting to note the focus points of my writing. I think some of the reason I haven’t been writing as much lately (other than the fact that it’s summer and my mind is too unsettled to be coherent), is that a lot of the things I would normally write about seem done to death. By me or by others. How many more times can I write about the spiritual value of experiencing suffering?

I don’t know what that means, but I’m curious to see what comes if I try a bit harder to focus on writing things that are interesting, and not just rambling as I tend to do. Not that I intend to stop rambling. Rambling at the internet is my narcissistic way of clearing my head and processing thoughts that aren’t churning properly inside my head. But perhaps a bit more targeted rambling.

I had an interesting experience earlier today. I’ve been working with rabbit/hare (which I shall henceforth refer to as bunny) for the last few days. I’ve mentioned, I believe, that bunnies have been showing up all over my life for months now. A few weeks ago I started to take more note of them, and began working to understand the reason for their presence and my relationship with them.

I don’t have it all figured out yet, but in recent days I’ve had some really interesting things occur in my head. Some of them aren’t suitable for sharing yet, cause they’re still in the ‘pending processing’ bucket of my brain. But earlier today I was sitting on the train, and my mind was going a hundred miles a minute. I was moving from one topic, from one subject, from one task to another so quickly that none of them got any real attention. Worse, the effort was amping me up. I was getting excited, and anxious, and a little angry. I was beginning to get upset, and would have soon found myself in a downward spiral towards some nasty soul-crushing despair/depression. But I noticed bunny around me. Just energy, no actual bunny on the train. I closed my eyes and I focused on bunny and let some of that energy feed the bunny.

Then, as though it had never occured to me before, I wondered why I was holding on to all this energy surrounding all these things that need to get done. I kept pulling the idea out, the task, the necessity, and then tossing it in the air and trying to juggle as I pulled out another one, and then another. I was spending all this energy tossing the baubles into the air and trying to keep them afloat that my attention was turned away from where it belongs. On myself. On my work. On my God(s). On my community. And I wondered why I was giving that anxious energy to bunny, not that bunny didn’t deserve the energy, but weren’t there other places i could put all that energy that was built up, energy i couldn’t properly handle or use? I thought about my relationship with Diety and let myself commune with Persephone.

I released the anxiety, the pressure that was building up. I let the baubles fall into the pool at my feet, their form mingling back into the force of the potential. I gave to Persephone the stress and anguish and despair that was beginning to surface in my heart. And when the feelings and power were managable I turned my mind to Work. The energy was flowing through me, pure and strong. No longer blocked by the emotions and thoughts that were stuck in me. I called to bunny and gave the energy shape and form, and I sent it hopping along to some people who could use it.

http://s00j.livejournal.com/178858.html

And then I was calm and quiet. I had one of those moments of clarity, and realized I had just succeeded at something I’ve been working towards for a long time now. For a brief moment, I let go. It wasn’t long, but for a moment I just let myself be the conduit, the vessel of power. And I have Bunny to thank for that. For the stamping of his foot and the twitching of his nose that made me notice him. For his presence, and the tricks he plays.

I suspect I’ll be seeing a lot more of my new animal-guide, and you’ll probably be hearing a lot more too. And that’s it for tonight I think. There’s a lot more, but I do want to get up for work in the morning, so I’m calling it.

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