I was going to do a tarot reading and post it tonight, but that doesn’t seem to be in the cards, as it were. I’m feeling a lot moving around me regarding the divine today. For the last several days actually. Yesterdays funk of pain is perhaps a good example of how much stuff moves around in the presence of the divine.

It’s hard for me to define my relationship with the Divine. As I recall saying recently, our individual relationship with Divinity is something based inherently in the experiential realm. As a result, we can’t really define it, or comprehend it, or translate it. I believe the disconnection between our subnoumenal experience of the Divine, and our attempt to expose that experience through language (a tool precisely tuned towards definition) is one of the greater challenges that faces us all, most particularly the mystics.

As a mystic I live in many worlds at the same time with varying simplicity. Some days it is very easy, and others very difficult. I’ve noticed that it seems to be getting more difficult for me, and I’m kind of wondering why. I find that I sometimes can’t ignore or set aside a thought or message that is nagging at me. I seem to be prone to slipping into trance state of varying depths whenever the opportunity arises.

While I don’t want to blame them, I think a fair part of this has to do with the people I surround myself with. More and more I am spending large quantities of my time in communion with people of a mystically focused bent. As I’ve commented in the past, I find that there is a disportionate growth of spiritual/mystical/psychic experiences in people when they are in proximity to other people. I could write quite a bit about my thoughts on how some gifts/energies/flavors/vibrations compliment each other, heighten, enhance, and sometimes greatly expand each other; but the important thing here is that any psychic gift or talent you have will get stronger or develop faster if you are in regular contact with a resonant gift. If you have latent abilities and you happen to move in with two experienced sensitives, it is very likely your sensitivity will wake up and become active.

For some reason, the last 6 months have seen quite a few people enter my perceptual circle, and many of them have talents that resonate strongly with my own, and I’m noticing a difference. This is all relevant, I promise.

Recently, I met someone who has a relationship with the Divine that I can’t really define. The best way I can put it is that he has been claimed. The Divine (for lack of a better identifier) has made it clear that this person is theirs thank you very much. As I shared with a friend earlier today, it as if there is a very polite “do not step on the seedlings” sign posted in this persons aura. I’m a very curious person, but I know the handwriting of the Divine, and I prefer not to test the possible annoyance of disobeying that sign. Perhaps the most interesting thing about this, is that this person seems to have very little, if any, awareness of this connection. This person is watched over, and for whatever reason they haven’t been made fully aware of that guardianship.

The Divine works in many ways, and often they are beyond our ken. As a friend recently said, “Their sense of humor is completely bigger than ours, and they don’t care that we don’t find it funny.” More than just humor, the Gods are working with a much larger set of images than we are. Just as we, as mystics, witches, magicians, and others are working with more information than our mundane counterparts, who are working with more information than your average puppy. The universe is large and complex, and we can not hope to understand the system. The best we can do is work with the best guesses we have and listen to the guidance of those who see more than we do.

And so I’ve found myself turning to the Divine more and more frequently in my daily life. When I don’t understand what’s going on, or when there are just too many things for me to get a handle on all the pieces, or when (like yesterday morning) I feel small and crushed and full of needs that will not be met. I’ve found myself turning my eyes to the Limitless Light, and listening patiently for an answer. And I’ve found that I am never let down.

Tonight I’m thinking a lot about Persephone. I’m drinking pomegrante juice and trying to let her power suffuse me. She reminds me of the power of sacrifice, and that there can be great joy in surrendering to a power greater than your own. The word Denial is coming up for me a lot lately. It first showed up in some channeled messages about two weeks ago, and it’s been cropping up in a few places since then. I’m not sure I understand it’s importance yet, but I figured out part of it today.

One of the things that we emphasize in the west is Will. We focus on the development of, honing of, and attainment of our Will. We have a whole religion devoted to it. We lean towards recognizing Will as the most important thing there is. Unfortunately, we’re westerners, and the idea of Will inevitably gets conflated with ego. The Will of the Divine, our Higher Will, the guidance of our Holy Guardian Angel, is ultimately beyond our sense of self, our ego. But we so rarely manage to look beyond. We try and define our Will in concrete terms to give us things to focus on, missions to accomplish. The reality is that Will is a being, not a doing.

Our Greater Will has to do with force, not form. Our Will is not to rid the world of homophobia or discrimination. The very idea of action is anathema to the principle force that we are. Action is a result of our Will, it is the outgrowth of who we ARE. My Will is to become fully enflamed with the light and force of my own soul. When that is done, I can not act against my Will. The two goals are one. If we assume that we are spiritual beings having a physical incarnation, than our Will must be disincarnate at it’s root, and it is thus unmanifest force. Our Work is to align ourselves with that force, to make ourselves the perfect vessel of that force, to seek the grail, if you will.

And to do that, we must understand the limits of our own ego. Our ego tells us that we must accomplish great Works. Our ego tells us that we must do something, help someone, change something. How can I tell though, when ego is protecting itself, or when I am moved to act by the Force that is my Will? Thelema tells us to seek the knowledge and communion of our HGA. But that is the same as achieving one-ness with our will. What can we do in the mean time?

The answer lies with the Divine. Persephone sees more than I do. As does Gwyddon. The Divine that surrounds me, that offers me their love, can help me decide when to act and how to do so. When I feel the urge to act but question myself, I find that turning to the Divine seems to lead me true.

This is especially important when making decisions inside a complex system, as I mentioned earlier. There are times when we have an urge to act or fight for a cause that seems right to us. We are willing to put a lot on the line for that for better or for ill. The very urge to fight comes from a place of ego, and so I always tend to question it.

Perhaps one of the biggest problems we have as humans is that we too often ask “What do I want?” and too rarely ask “What is best for everyone involved?” Ignoring my ethical challenge with the idea of determining what is *best* for anyone other than myself, the important part of the question is to consider the system as a whole, or at least as much of it as you can. Often the decision is clear, and most often it is not in line with my personal egotistic desire. Thus sacrifice, personal desire for the good of the whole. This is an easy choice to make most of the time. Sometimes not so easy.

What is more difficult is when the situation is larger or more complex than I can truly fathom, or has more moving parts or variables than I can reasonably control to work towards a specific outcome. This is when the light of the Divine really comes in handy. Pretty much any sticky social/organizational issue falls into this category, largely because people are unpredictable, and anything you do now is likely to have consequences far into the future. So I ask my Gods and Spirits if they can help me puzzle out what the best choice is, or what the possible results of a certain action are.

It’s late and I’ve rambled enough. Gotta get to sleep now. Share the gift.