Teo of The Epiphanic Oath expressed a feeling of discomfort he received from watching a customer have a bit of a melt down in his favorite metaphysical store. I have seen the same type of reaction by more people than I can count, in stores, at readings, at public rituals, workshops, and festivals. And like Teo, I’ve had my share of freak-out moments.

Teo observes an important truth, and turns it upon himself for introspection and contemplation. That which disturbs us in others is most often that which we fear is part of ourselves. You’ll note I do not say it is in us as many would. For me this is an important disctinction. I’ve found that often the things that disturb us do so not because they are part of ourselves, but because we are afraid that they might be.

One of the core rules I’ve learned in my life, is that the things I fear have a great deal of power over me. We go to great lengths to avoid our fears, and in some cases through intensive ordeals to overcome those fears. When Teo sees someone freaking out about something negative happening in his life, he recognizes some of himself in that freak-out, and expresses empathy with the other customers situation. He also expresses a bit of discomfort at the thought that he sees some of himself in the other customer.

I wasn’t there, and can’t speak with authority about the womans behavior or Teo’s reaction. But looking at this from the outside, I don’t see someone reacting to a reflection of himself, so much as reacting to a perception of himself that he doesn’t like.

We all feel strongly about certain things. I for one have a real problem with pretension. I hate pretentious attitudes and I get annoyed when I have to deal with them. Part of the reason for this distaste is because in a different part of my life I was extremely pretentious. I used pretension as a way of keeping people away and making myself feel above and apart from the people who would hurt me as a child and teen.

Later, I learned that creating that barrier hurt me far more than I ever would have thought possible. I learned that trying to rarify myself, make myself seperate from those around me only aggravated my feelings of loneliness and isolation. (I know it seems obvious, but it didn’t at the time.) As a result, when someone displays consistently pretentious behavior I want to slap some sense into them. Regardless of what their intent or reason for that behavior is. I can’t stand it. In this case, it’s pretty obvious that my own issues are coming to the front.

Something important to note here is this aspect of perception. I perceive someone as being pretentious and I don’t like it. It sets me seriously on edge and I can get very worked up about it sometimes.

I may have a similar reaction to Teo when confronted by someone who is freaking out and can’t seem to handle themselves or their challenges with any sort of balance or control. I think it’s important that we take the time to look at ourselves and recognize those fears. But it’s also important to discern the difference between a valid fear and one that is unfounded. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Sometimes we don’t like the way people behave, for the very simple reason that we find it distasteful, or inappropriate, or immature, or even (dare I say it) beneath them. We could discuss for days where those dislikes come from, but I do eventually have to get to bed.

I know for me, the reason I have trouble with the customer Teo describes, is because she doesn’t appear to be handling her issues. She appears to be trying to get people to solve her issues, and in so doing relinquishing responsibility for herself and her situation. Don’t misunderstand me here, I believe that we sometimes get out of our depths, and when we do asking for help or seeking a professional is the appropriate response. But the appropriate response is honest, sincere, and targeted. It is not running around in multiple directions trying to discover some simple cure-all for a problem which you likely aren’t describing well.

In fairness, it sounds like the woman wasn’t getting great help from the shopkeepers. I doubt they’re expected to be experts, or to handle people who are having a bit of a crisis, but letting her bounce around is far less than ideal.

Another thing to consider, and this is perhaps what bothers me most of all, is that this woman was clearly broadcasting her distress in every way possible. When someone is broadcasting their freak out that way it’s very very difficult for any sensitive to not be aware of it. At the very least a sensitive will pick up on the negative vibe, and most sensitives will be affected more profoundly, even finding their own day ruined or their mood spoiled by coming into contact with that broadcast. (I think it would be interesting if Teo were to try and parse his reaction and determine how much he was disturbed by her behavior, and how much that disturbance was amplified by the sludge of the broadcast.)

The trouble here is that people who broadcast like this usually don’t know they’re doing it, aren’t capable of stopping, and aren’t likely to get the help they need. Unfortunately, the loudest broadcasts are, in my experience, the ones that I try to avoid the most. People who are in need of my help, or a kind word have a different flavor then the type of person that freaks out and broadcasts their shit for everyone to pick up on.