So it’s official. The three of us will not be living together as one unit in just a few short months. We haven’t fought, and there doesn’t seem to be any overt anger or resentment going around, at least not right now. Hopefully the three of us are all adult enough to take where we are now and move comfortably towards the future without casting blame or doubts.

This is part of what I was thinking about when I wrote about organicism last night. George, Elizabeth and I are close friends. We share bonds of family that are evergreen. They are rooted in our common love and experience. But in the past nine months or so we’ve slowly been growing further apart as a trio. We spend less and less time together, and our energies tend to come into pretty fierce binary clashes on an ever more consistent basis. Though there is a real pain in acknowledging that our lifestyles and energies are growing in different directions, it is best to acknowledge it now and move forward instead of trying to change ourselves to fit some nebulous ideal.

As George said best last night, it would seem a travesty that our connection has changed from what it once was, but it would be more of a travesty to try and go backwards. I can not undo the changes I’ve wrought in my life, nor can either of my housemates. We are different people and need to find the situation that suits us best.

I’m a little conflicted about this, because I’ve lived alone before, and I don’t really enjoy it. I like having company. I like having people around to talk to until 3 in the morning, and a reason to have friends and family in and out at all times. I don’t know if I’m going to try to find other room-mates (particularly since, with the notable exception of recent history I’ve had a very mixed bag of room-mate experiences. I kind of want to consider rooming with George for a while and seeing where that goes. If anything, the bonds of Brotherhood and our personal relationship has only grown closer in the last several months. I admit to hesitance about this because it could be read badly by Elizabeth or other interested parties, and as we discussed last night, I’ve put a very great deal of effort into trying to help this transformation come to pass without any great injury to any of us as individuals, or to the loving relationship I have with my chosen family.

On the other hand, I can’t sacrifice my own desires just to sidestep a possible outcome. Self-Sacrifice is an important aspect of my life, but there would be no equity in that. It would be easier for me, because I’d be able to live in a nicer place than I could otherwise afford on my own, and would be able to keep saving money like I’m trying to do. I suspect it would be easier for George too, but I’ve yet to ask his thoughts on it directly. Last night I think we were all just breathing deeply of fresh air and enjoying the relief we each felt. I know I wasn’t really thinking excessively clearly or trying to make real serious plans yet.

Hopefully I’ll see George at Chipotle after Karate and we can discuss it then. For now I’m going to put these mighty thoughts from my mind and get the rest of the way home.