building a life
Ξ March 26th, 2008 | → | ∇ General |
Lots of cuteness on the train today. The sky is cloudy and the sun is a hazy ball of brightness in the western sky. There is a gorgeous man with a shaved head, rectangle glasses, and big ears standing near the door of the car. He’s wearing a brown corduroy jacket over a white and olive striped oxford, Tan pants and brown leather tooled boots. I think his belt is Kenneth Cole, it’s got that boxy precise look to it. He looks older than he is, I think he’s in his twenties somewhere. His eyes are young. pretty pretty.
There’s a cute guy sitting next to me too, but I’m not sure how best to describe him. Collegiate? In an Oxford manner? Collegiate from when college boys wore dress shirts and slacks to school each day. he has a look of innocence about him.
I’ve been listening to Pretty. Odd. all day, and watched a My Chemical Romance video at work. Needless to say, boys and sex are on my mind a whole lot right now. But since writing about that won’t help anything I’ll avoid the topic a little.
I’m working through personal issues towards the goal of getting things in my life done. I’m a terrible procrastinator, and generally just let things get out of hand. I’m really proud, because for two days now, I’ve had a clean Gmail inbox. I’ve done three quarters of my to-do list for the week, and Wednesday is only half over.
I’ve started a new reading/writing project with that witch i read. I’ve also made a list of things that I’m trying to do every day. Some devotions. Attention to a few details. A bit more precise magical practice on a regular basis. I haven’t decided what I want to focus on magically right now yet. It will be something personal. I think that I need to find a balance between two things that will work together. For example, I know that I need to find a way to get things into my body. I don’t like giving up control, so I carefully guard myself from the energies of the magic I work with. Perhaps a good compliment to that would be focusing on body discipline and body control. Or perhaps on using my magic to help heal the damage I’ve done over the years.
I don’t know, there are a lot of options and I can’t even begin to think of them all right now. Some days are better than others. I started to pick up The Life Audit today, and I couldn’t do it. I skimmed the first several pages and the techniques it recommends. I flat out refuse to do that to myself. It is purely against my principles to measure my life as though it were a clock work mechanism that needs to be made more efficient. Don’t get me wrong, the techniques in the book will work. I’m familiar with a lot of them. They’re great. But they’re counter to my philosophy, to the way I want to live my life. I will not spend every waking moment under the geas of some maniacal system designed to achieve THINGS. my life is not about things, and I will not make it that way.
I need to develop some systemic methods of handling things though. I have some that I know work for me. I’m working on creating others. I suppose the biggest problem is that the system is too big. It is built for perfection, and has no concept of organicism left in it. The methods that I use will be organic. They will be holistic and reflect the philosophy that guides my life, and they will be every bit as effective. Maybe I’ll write a book on them.
